After having trouble trying to solve a brainteaser and other mounting evidence, Lisa fears that the Simpson gene, Grampa has told her about, is afflicting her. Meanwhile, Grampa’s friend Jasper places himself in suspended animation in Apu’s freezer. Jasper wants to see the future. Seeing an opportunity to make money, Apu turns the KWIK-E-MART into a FREAK-E-MART. Lisa gathers evidence on her newfound stupidity and fears she will turn into another Simpson moron. She gives an editorial on the news on how people should nurture their brains while they still can. Homer tries to show her that not all Simpsons are troglodytes. He gathers them on the front lawn and asks each what they do. It turns out all the men ARE idiots and the women, by comparison, are freakin’ geniuses. Lisa feels relieved with the proof. Jasper awakes from his frozen state and Apu loses his gimmick.

The Simpsons go to a wonderful new museum. While there, Marge notices what a nice boy Ralph Wiggum is. Marge forces Bart to have a play date with Ralph. Ralph is so stupid and annoying that Bart wants to strangle him. Marge makes him go outside with Ralph. Ralph seems to be a pyromaniac. They go to the Wiggum’s residence and Bart finds out that Ralph’s father (Chief Wiggum) has a lot of neat stuff, including a master key that will unlock every door in Springfield. Bart goes over for a sleepover and swipes it. He and Ralph wander the town, running into the bullies. Nelson, Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney take them to the abandoned prison. Bart and Ralph play around with the electric chair, leaving it on when they leave. Quimby wants to show the town the electric chair on the news. He wants to pretend to be electrocuted, thinking that the chair is off. Bart and Ralph see what is about to happen on the news and they have to prevent it. Bart goes to Lisa for a quick solution and she shoots a rocket at the prison which contains an explanation. Instead it goes into Burns’ office, and he turns off the power after Quimby has almost been killed. Ralph’s conscience tells him to burn down the house.

Homer gets fired from the nuclear plant and decides to join the Naval Reserve. Other reservists include Moe, Barney, and Apu. Meanwhile, Bart gets an earring to look cool, but Homer makes him quit wearing it and ends up taking it with him to sea. Because of Homer’s nuclear experience, he is assigned to a nuclear submarine. The Captain likes Homer because of his witty and wise remarks and he promotes him. During a war game exercise, the Captain leaves Homer in charge; things get bad, when the Captain becomes incapacitated. Homer makes some bad decisions and nearly starts a war. Bart’s earring comes in handy when the ship springs a leak.

Homer realizes too late that taxes are due, so he cheats on his taxes and files them just in the nick of time. When the IRS subjects Homer to an audit, they agree to let Homer off if he will agree to help the FBI and become a tool of government oppression. He tries to rat on his friends about their illegal conquests and the government enjoys his work so much that they have him attempt a very special assignment. Mr. Burns has a trillion dollar bill that he stole from the government long ago. Homer tries to find it in his mansion, under the guise of writing a magazine article on Burns. When he finds it, the feds bust in and arrest Mr. Burns, but Homer foils their attempt and runs away with Burns and Smithers. They decide to leave the country with the bill and they wind up in Cuba, where they try to buy the country from Fidel Castro. Castro steals the bill and they have to return in disgrace. Mr. Burns vows to bribe the jury and get them all off scot-free.